dancing queen and disco inferno

Carys's video is of her dancing.. Patrick caught her getting groovy. The boys Adam and friend Cameron had a halloween disco for school. They were vampires. Adam will be a skeleton for halloween this friday his NINa sent him a costume and a 'bleeding heart'.

sleep-eyed chickens

I foung this among randomly uploaded pictures to our flickr account. Patrikck got a new camera last week as is messign around with taking ALOT of pictures. i particularly liek the way Cary's eyes look in this one. Yes the office in the background is a mess... but did you expect anything different! adam got his hair cut yesterday, I could not stand the mop that wsa on his head for another day. adam's hair does not get long and flatten.... it gets really poofy like a backcombed beehive. Thankfully no bees came out of it when it was shorn! He does not have lovely curly locks like his cousin Dean.

I am getting on wiht my uni work. very difficult assignments coming up but i am enjoying the reading... although should be doing much more than I am!

I am seriously starting a diet tomorrow. I am not eating nearly enough fruit and don't htink I am getting all my vitamins.... I don't have supplements so I will have start eating mega fruit and veg.

I have included a picture of Ad the Man wiht his lovely new do.

Tennis

DSC00176, originally uploaded by the_stakes.

Here is a picture of Adam as of last week. He hasn't grown much has he? He is on a "I will eat anything 24 hours a day" growth spurt but nothing but his belly is growing! He is goign to start playing twice a week becasue he really enjoysit that much.

|We have a new young person living with us now. He moved in last Tuesday evening.

Clocks went back this morning. I forgot, so we woke up at 6 am (ummm I htought it was 7).

"the only thing you should put in your ear is your elbow!"

Quote above from one of Patrick's dickensian teachers a la knockbeg. He is right you know! I haven't been able to hear properly out of my left ear for about a week now. So I thought I had a little wax problem to deal with. After poking with a q0tip, i am still left with a tender ear and still not hearing any better. This morning woke up to a spinning room, feeling really dizzy. Went to the quack this afternoon and it seems i have an inner ear problem.... and vertigo as a symptom he gave me tablets for the nausea. Shoulda listened to mom..... don't put anything in your ear!!!!

Carys was next door during my convalescence this morning in bed. Adam at school.

autumn leaves

Adam is fixed with the term 'autumn leaves'. I think it must be somethignthey talked about in school becasue its autumn leaves this and autumn leaves that! He had his session with his tutor. he is soo into Pokemon cards! They sit and have whole lessons on Pokemon, adding up scores, reading about the different Pokemon, planning battle strategies, why does water beat fire? How does it evolve... etc. (pokemon stuff i don't understand it). Santa will have to bring some pokemon cards.

Little carrots is a beauty. My sister called me today and told me about the biz in the USA.

Nothing else to report.

Full nights sleep at last!

Everyone slept in their respective beds last night.. all night! We had lovely nights sleep so why am I so tired this morning?
Adam is reading a bit better. He no longer cringes at the thought of reading a book. He is doing well on his spellings. He tells me he is getting 10/10 correct, and he does when he practise's at home. Tonight is parents night at school so we'll speak to his teacher and find out if all is well.

Carys is experiencing the not so terrible yet twos. She flings herself on the floor, its really funny. But she can tell us what she wants so her frustration isn't complete. We are going out today, its raining, and blah outside, but we will still go to a playgroup I think! I need some tiem out of the house. Carys painted a picture for me yesterday at Ria's. Bu it is was still wet so I couldn't bring it home.

Adam's bike has disappered from our front garden. I hope it turns up.

there were 4 in a bed and the big one said......

ROLL OVER, ROLL OVER!!!! It was four in a bed night last night. Firstly, Adam asks if he could sleep in our bed. P agreed. We try not to let the kids sleep in our bed because it becomes habit forming and we can't cope with the aches and pains of morning form being pinched, kicked, prodded, jumped on... and all the rest that adds up to no sleep. Well, Carys has had cold and has ended up in our bed nearly every night the latter half of last week. So we said that Adam could sleep with us. About 4am the little hellion (aka Carys Cecilia Doherty) wandered it with her blankets, toys and books in tow. she was not the teeniest bit happy that her brother was in their with us. We fumbled along for about an hour. Every single one of us moving this way and that, turning over, pushing an arm or foot or a face out of the way. About 6:30 Me and Carys defected to the spare bedroom. By this time she was awake ... and Mr Sandman was nowhere to be found. P got up about 7:30 and went downstairs with her... she was at this stage unable to utter anything but the word 'eat.eat...eat..eat..eat..eat..eat..eat...eat.'

Adam joined him at 8:30.. and I rolled out at 10 am !!!! Patrick has a lie in tomorrow while we go to church! I clenae dthe hosue this morning.

that was our morning...

sponginess

Carys has discovered the squidgy, spongy, pokiness of her tummy. She can officially 'pinch an inch'. The health visitor assures me that she is in proportion, so not to worry. I think I have a hang up about her weight, and about things I have been reading about that says an overweight toddler will grow up with a weight problem and be an overweight adolescent, and then adult. I don't want that for her.


You worry constantly about those you care about; your kids, husband, families, friends, friends of firends, the lady on the commercial whose advertising that perfume, the little children on the NSPCC commercials etc... So maybe I take it a bit too far! P calls me a worry wort.



I'm afraid that is rubbing off on Adam. He is really sensitive. The smallest thing will worry him. He's battling with his Oedepus complex at the moment and I so want him to grow up with a well balanced psyche and not 'mess with his head'. (You can tell I am studying psychology!)


The content of the blog is my thoughts and feelings ... .. you probably won't understand them.. i jump from topic to topic and one sentence might have no correlation to the sentence before it...

We need to find a way to channel stress and worry in this house without an outward show of emotion, but are we doing more damage to ourselves by not showing that emotion? I think we have to look for help. All is not well in the Doherty household. Our marriage is in trouble or will be if we can't sort it out, we are having problems communicating, I worry about the levels of stress P is under, he keeps everything so tightly controlled that he is going to pop. I worry he has no one to talk to. He keeps everything hidden away. I worry I have no one to talk to. I worry we take things out on each other and this starts the cycle again. He buries things away a bit deeper, I express a bit louder. I worry about the social development of our children considering we both have major issues ourselves. I worry about showing unconditional love. I worry my inability deal with my feelings of guilt. I worry that I do feel guilty. I worry that P will make himslef ill. I worry about whether people like me or not. I worry that P is unable to express his feelings of love. I worry about spending so much time worrying about other people that I can't sort out the worry's pertaining to my own family. I worry about keeping everyone happy and talking to each other. I worry about family dynamics. I worry about the state of the non nuclear family system in Britain and my inability to stop comparing it to one which is ideal in my own head. I worry that my expectations are too high. I worry about doing more harm than good in my chosen profession. I worry about making things worse for P. Of being a barrier rather than a partner? I worry that I will not be able to learn the skill of switching off (in my chosen profession). I sooo need to learn that one sooner rather than later.

I worry why admitting we are in dire need of something makes me feel ashamed. That we are opening ourselves up to criticism. That we have had a shameful secret kept from the world around us. These feeligns are unwarranted I know, but are there nonetheless.


Explaining our feelings to ourselves is difficult enough, especially when there is no rhyme or reason in them, trying to explain them to someone else so that they can understand is that much harder. My feelings are my feelings, my interpretations of myself and the way I see things, there is no right or wrong....just emotions to work through. P would probably have a whole different view.

Midnight wake up call

Carys will soon be dry overnight (I hope). Last night I sprang to attentionto the cry from the next room.. "Potty , mama, Potty" She did her business andthen went back to bed. Woo Hoo! Adam has become the neighborhood ringleader. It's him and his mates swaggering 'round the pond wearing 'sensible' plain T-shirts and toting the ultimate bad boy accessory ... yeah a bike. Priceless.

tripe!

Reading that last post makes life sound so trivial. So "the sun is shining and rainbows everywhere" , how trite. Have you ever had a disappointment so deep that you physically threw up? Ever thought you shouldn't have got your hopes up? Ever thought that YES! it was maybe finally your turn to be picked first? Ever thought why bother? I tend not to think that way..... or if I do i tend to internalize it and paste smile on my face and carry on skipping. Today's been a hard day to skip over. Having put my hopes into one thing and then it falling through...its alot to bear. I always seem to be waiting.. , maybe I should just grow up. Forgive and forget. The first is easier than the last, while I am at it maybe I should just learn to forgive myself. I mean, I'm the one who left, I made my bed. I have to lie in it. I never knew it would be this hard. famous last words eh? Definition of family; a great big mexican hooohaaa... not a stiff upper lip.

to the hoohaaa's .. Love you & missing you